I got nothin'.

The title says it all.  So here's the latest episode of Simon's Cat.  If you're a cat person and you've never watched Simon's Cat, drop everything and watch all the rest of the episodes.  You'll thank me later.

Hell hath no fury like a thesis scorned

Okay, I’ll admit it. I tend to get really wrapped up in politics, to the point of sometimes going out of my way to pick a fight when someone says something I deem stupid. This generally leads to an elaborate and crushing response in the offending party’s comments section, often broken down into several consecutive posts due to size constraints. And then an even more elaborate and crushing response to their inevitable wimpy protestations and hyperbolic complaints. And so on and so forth.

It’s a problem, I’m owning up to that.

Not because I’m ashamed of my political opinions or somehow unable to fluently justify my positions on controversial topics. I have no problem putting up a point-by-point rundown of the advantages of single-payer health care, nor will I hesitate to provide cited examples of how government spending during a recession can help to boost the economy and boost the economy.

The problem is that I spend far too much time doing it.

Tonight, for instance, my friend Kim posted a comment on her Facebook page essentially expressing her dismay at how some people think President Obama’s doing a lousy job in office. The first few posts were in agreement to this ridiculous sentiment, so I wrote one in favor of Obama, what he’s done so far, and how his actions differ from those of George W. Bush. Those of differing opinions later replied, claiming among other things that 60-80% of Obama’s political policy is the same as Bush’s, that Obama will triple the national deficit by 2012, and that everything he’s done is all part of a socialist plot to destroy the country from within.

Cue my crushing, well-researched response, complete with verifiable stats, stunning points, large words, and, well, logical thought. (Not that there wasn’t some logic to some arguments. Ross, if you’re reading this, you’ve got a point about some of Obama’s policy, but 60-80%? Mmm, no. Health care, the environment, science, the economy, military spending and the Middle East for starters.) About two pages in, I thought I’d check on Kim’s post and reread the arguments I was arguing against, just in case I missed anything.

And that’s when I realized that while I was hard at work composing my impassioned and biting reply, the conversation had gone on without me. More and more replies had shown up from both sides of the issue. The poor misguided fools I was mere paragraphs away from grinding into electronic rubble had shifted their focus, regurgitating different Murdoch-drafted drivel.

Worse still, those on my side of the fence had made arguments I was going to make! They’d usurped my moral high ground and pressed the points I was going to press! These well-meaning malfeasants had robbed me of my final victory, all because they couldn’t be bothered to properly respond to political arguments on Facebook in the form of a 2000 word essay!! What is wrong with you people?!

In a fit of rage I deleted my opus, footnotes and all. Nothing says “pathetic” like some poor sap trying to perpetuate an argument after it’s gone a dozen different directions. I’ve been reduced to turning the whole sordid affair into a rant for today’s blog update.

But I refuse to go gently into that good night! Even my lowly opponents may never read it, I will still make my case known! Albeit in the form of out-of-context bulleted one-liners, followed by obnoxious Emril-esque yelps of authority and worth. C’est la vie.

• TARP was a Bush policy, not an Obama policy. BAM!
• Triple? Really? In 2008, the national deficit came in at just under $10 trillion. 2012 projections indicate that it’ll be up to around $16.5 trillion. Do math much? BAM!
• Generally speaking, Obama takes the Centrist, left of the middle approach. He’s not a Liberal on most issues, much as you and I both wish otherwise. BAM!
• There aren’t enough taxes because of Dubya’s ridiculous tax cuts for the wealthy! BAM!
• Again, it was Dubya that started the whole “borrow from China” thing. Don’t blame Obama for that. How do you think Dubya paid for two wars without raising taxes, as has been the case in all other extended military conflicts in the U.S.? By borrowing trillions from China! BAM!
• Do you even know What the New Deal was? Do you actually know what FDR stands for?! BAM!
• How can Neo-Cons be so up in arms against federal spending that will supposedly have a dire effect on future generations, yet be so blasé when considering the long-term ramifications of pollution and global warming? What, it’s okay to be the richest people on the burnt-out mudball, but long-term planning for sustainable living is out of the question? BAM!
• The weak economy isn’t Bush’s fault, huh? I can’t believe you just typed that. Christ, I can’t believe I just typed that, and I’m being sarcastic! BAM!
• Why does Obama deserve understanding and respect when Bush was given none, you ask? Well, let’s talk about that after Obama invades a country and overthrows a government and then leaves, invades another country just for shits and giggles, plays golf while New Orleans drowns, establishes prisons outside of US jurisdiction, tortures detainees, pushes creationism in the public education system, develops a “My Way or the Highway” credo regarding international diplomacy, encourages Wall Street to run wild while eliminating federal oversight, attempts to privatize social security, destroys environmental protection policies, and has his VP try to force votes in Congress. Then I might agree with you that Obama doesn’t deserve our respect in the same way Bush doesn’t. BAM!
• You can’t just label countries terrorist countries because they’re Muslim. It doesn’t work that way. And why, oh why, would you ever supersede diplomacy? War is not preferable to diplomacy. Just ask 1.5 million dead Iraqis. BAM!
• You’re questioning his ability to lead because he openly drinks beer in public. Okay. Turn your computer off, stock up on canned goods and ammunition, and wait quietly in the woods for the Rapture like a good fanatic. BAM!
• So you knew all along that Rush Limbaugh was addicted to opiates, right? BAM!
• Making things up?!? Death Panels, Obamacare, pulling the plug on Gramma, Obama’s a Muslim from Kenya, denying coverage to Republicans, Iraq-has-weapons-of-mass-destruction, and it’s the LEFT that’s making things up? BAM!

Well, that went on longer that it probably should have. But it was pretty cathartic. I’ll admit I jumped back on to Kim’s comment page to pick out a little more fuel for my righteous fire once I got on a roll. And what can I say, this Laura person makes for good target practice.

But anyway, back to the point. I have a problem. I’m addicted to writing long, impassioned responses to lame arguments with only the slightest provocation. It’s an ongoing struggle. One that, judging from the final outcome of this post, I appear to be losing.

I like them apples

One of my favorite things about Washington is the abundance of fresh seasonal fruit.  During early summer I gorged on cherries (and learned a valuable lesson about eating too many cherries all at once).  Then it was peach/pear season.  I'm generally not a big fan of either, but what I've had were pretty damn tasty.  Now we're into apple season.  There are literally a gazillion different variety and flavors to choose from.  Tonight Kristen and I picked up a half-dozen Pink Ladies, just to try 'em.  I'm open to suggestion, if anyone wants to recommend their favorites.

Speaking of pink ladies, I finally got around to watching "X-Men Origins:  Wolverine."  I give it a solid "meh +":  worth renting, but really nothing spectacular.  Better than the first and last X-Men flicks, but a far cry from X-Men 2, the benchmark of merry mutant movies.

Some of the fights were kind of cool, and I really liked the relationship between Logan and Victor.  Like the first three X-films, I love trying to spot the established characters and see how they're (mis)represented on the big screen.  Gambit and the Blob, for instance, were great.  I'm not sure who the Will.i.Am character was supposed to be (a teleporting Maverick, maybe?), but he was cool.  Now that I think of it, he was a dead ringer for Stretch from Vertigo's "The Exterminators."

But they really screwed the pooch on Deadpool.  Traditionally Deadpool has almost always been a mentally unhinged badass who literally can't stop making constant Spider-Man-esque quips at the most inappropriate times.  It's his thing.  Hilarious and batshit crazy, generally with a sword and a machine gun.  This Ryan Reynolds monstrosity is more like a mute version of Darth Maul, but with lazer beam eyes.  Not good.

Just for reference, here's a visual comparison for those of you unfamiliar with the conflicting versions of the Merc with a Mouth himself, Mr. Wade Wilson.

This is the real thing.

And this is Lazereyes McNo-mouth.  There's no com-parison.

the ghost of Michael Jackson

Today was a long day, one that involved 19 centerpieces, multiple treks across the boarder on foot, (kind of), dealing with the world's slowest sandwich maker, and totally missing both "Wait, Wait" and "This American Life" this morning.

I'n not gonna even attempt to make my brain work well enough to write a post of any subsance, so here's an interesting video featuring what may or may not be the ghost of Michael Jackson staging what may or may not be the supernatural comeback of the century.  Enjoy.  (And blow the video up to full screen to see everything best.)

Maestro on the Mount

God, what an exhausting week. I've got nothing of any value to say, really, so here's an update on the Maestro.

Glenn Beck's McCarthy-istic ass is going to be in Mount Vernon tomorrow.  In true neo-con fashion, the event's closed to the media.  Hopefully someone'll sneak a video camera in and document the fiasco.  B'ham still hasn't heard anything back from Comedy Central or Jon Stewart's crew, chances are looking grim.

Here's a video of the Maestro totally skewing cap and trade (claiming that cap and trade would cost American households over $1700 per day for some reason), then doing an impression of a southern belle:




From Huffpost:

Glenn Beck latched on to a discredited argument being promoted by conservatives that the climate bill would increase personal income taxes by 15% and cost every American $1761. (Beck takes the fuzzy math even further and implies that it would cost this amount PER DAY.) The Treasury memos Beck and others use to validate this claim, according to Media Matters. "...Do not address the current House climate change bill but, rather, a proposal that would auction 100 percent of the emissions allowances; the bill under consideration spends revenue created by the program to offset costs to households and businesses."

News in brief. While wearing boxers.

Today was a busy news day.  Here are some of the stories that caught my attention today:

President Obama chaired a meeting of the U.N. Security Council, overseeing the unanimous passage of a global resolution calling for nations with nukes to begin the process of disarming.  In related news, over one third of New Jersey conservatives think Obama may be the Antichrist.

Things got heated in Pittsburgh outside the G20 summit as police cracked down on hundreds of marching protesters for unlawful assembly.  Apparently some of the protesters forgot to pick up the appropriate city permits.  G-Infinity is keeping up-to-the-minute tabs on the situation, and it looks like things are calming down.  See what happens when you forget to bring the tea bags?  (photo by cory.cousins)

The California GOP has picked its challenger for incumbent senator Barbara Boxer in the 2010 elections; Carly Fiorina, former CEO of Hewlett-Packard and amatuer Celene Dion impersonator.  She's even launched a ridiculous Web site to make it official.  I can almost hear the Carlyfiorinacation jokes now.  I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that Boxer's gonna win this one with ease, no matter how many exclamation points Fiorina pulls out.

Today's accidental badass award goes to Terry Herbert, 55, an amateur treasure hunter from the U.K. who found over 1300 pieces of Anglo-Saxon gold and silver relics in the freshly-tilled land of an undisclosed British farm.  With a metal detector.  Herbert found literally a treasure hoard of Beowulf-era sword hilts, crosses, and more.  I can't think of a bigger archeological find in my lifetime.


There are a whole lot of would-be terrorists getting arrested all of a sudden.  Would this have anything to do with the upcoming reauthorization of several key aspects of the Patriot Act?  Yeah, probably.

And finally, there's politics from Oklahoma.  Tom Coburn's back in the news this week, thanks to Michael Schwartz, his Chief of Staff.  Schwartz, during this year's Values Voter summit, dropped this little kernel of wisdom:





That's right, folks.  Take it from the chief of staff of one of Oklahoma's federal legislative representatives.  Porn makes you gay.  And we should tell that to ten-year-olds to keep them from looking at porn.

Stop voting for these people.

Return of the Collegiate

Today was the first day of school for students returning to WWU.  Yeah, I'm not sure how that works either.  The end of September seems like a bit of a tardy start, but apparently it has something to do with Western adhering to the "Quarters" system instead of the traditional semester layout.  Beats me.

On one hand, it's fun.  All the young people are back, everything's busy again.  Everywhere you look, you can see someone doing something interesting.  I like a crowd and love the energy of a college town in full bloom.

On the other hand, it's also kind of annoying.  All the young people are back, everything's busy again.  The busses are jam-packed, lines have popped up for literally everything, and traffic seems worse than ever.  I like my solemnity and the peacefulness of a college town without all the damn students.

I suspect this newfound duality has something to do with underhanded attempts of maturity on my ego's part.  Perhaps it's trying to convince me that I'm in my late twenties.  And that's why my ego will always be ego and not superego, because it's stupid.  I am now, and forever shall remain, a mere twenty-four years old.

Go Vikings.

Also, I have no clue who these people are.  They came up when I googled "WWU students."

Origin of Species: The Prequel

What ever happened to the good old days, when Glenn Beck was the only one out there using significant dates to push a political agenda?

Remember Kirk Cameron? AKA Mike Seaver, of “Growing Pains” fame?

After a lifetime of teenage debauchery, Kirk became the poster-boy (poster-man? I dunno) for Living Waters Ministries, a more obscure branch of the evangelical fringe known for ambush-style witnessing and homoerotic videos involving bananas and opposable thumbs. Living Waters, in turn, is the launch pad for the Way of the Master, which handles most of the web videos and “are you a good person” tests and whatnot. When he’s not busy making lousy movies, Cameron’s a prominent contributor to WOTM, often warming viewers up for some sweet shock witnessing by founder Ray Comfort (a man who has also apparently taken over his own Wikipedia page, according to the note at the beginning of the entry).

Not content to settle for appropriate venues or acceptable situations, the WOTM has lately taken a more heavy handed approach to thrusting itself into the popular culture spotlight. Want to know Michael Jackson’s REAL cause of death, or whether he made it to heaven? Comfort and crew concocted a tasteless disrespectful video answering just those questions (short answer; he died because he wasn’t Christian enough, and is probably burning in Hell because he didn’t want to be buried in an Egyptian sarcophagus. Just watch).

Now that the dust’s settled somewhat on the tragic death of the unrepentant sinner MJ, Comfort, Cameron and crew have settled their sights on a familiar foe; Charles Darwin. According to a video featuring Cameron and released by WOTM, to commemorate the 150th anniversary of the release of Origin of Species (November 22, dubbed "Darwin Day"), Comfort and Living Waters Ministries will be handing out 100,000 copies of a newly self-published version of Darwin’s opus to colleges scattered across the country. Here’s the catch; the books will feature a 50-page introduction to Darwin, penned by Ray Comfort himself.



Described as chance to interject an alternate viewpoint into atheist-churning public universities, Comfort’s intro touches on a variety of subjects, including Darwin’s supposed racist tendencies, his inherent hatred of women, an the undeniable proof that Evolutionary Theory caused the Holocaust.

After watching this video (Via Huffpost) and skimming the introduction (cut me some slack, it’s a lot of shit to wade through) I was tempted to break it down and address the content piece by piece. But YouTube video blogger Christina beat me to it. She pretty much tears this to shreds. And does so with a hot Romanian accent. Observe:



Beyond rebuking WOTM back to the Stone Age (assuming they accept that there was indeed a Stone Age), Christina also raises an interesting point. If Richard Dawkins were to write an introduction to the Bible and distribute it to schools, the Religious Right would lose its shit like it has never lost its shit before. Yet when the Banana Man writes a ludicrous preamble to one of most widely-celebrated scientific texts in the modern world, it’s championed by the fundamentalist Christians. I smell a huge double-standard here.

Cameron mentioned that Origin of Species was in the public domain. So’s the Bible. The Religious Right should remember that when Dawkings or some other prominent scientist inevitably decides to take it upon themselves to pen an introduction to the Good Book. Before you gather your torches and pitchforks for that unavoidable witch hunt, remember that it was your team that started it.

"She got bread stuffing, and a looot of money."

In keeping with yesterday's declaration of love for all things autumn, here's a clip of Johnny and Doc talking about what they'll be doing for Thanksgiving.  This is one of the funniest moments of television, in my less than humble opinion.  I love Conan, Andy and Max, but they're no Johnny, Ed and Doc.

Lazy autumn days

Autumn has always been my favorite season. I love the chilly air, and watching the leaves do their best impression of 2-D popcorn. I love wearing long sleeves, taking a shower to warm up, and comfortably drinking hot coffee in the middle of the afternoon.  I love the food, the festivities, and the meloncholy.

Today was the first day that actually felt like autumn. I had the day off, and spent the majority of it cooking breakfast, lounging around reading comics and listening to the radio. At around six, I finally forced myself outside, walking down the hill and over to McDonalds to grab some cheap McNuggets ($1.99 for a ten-piece! Whoo!), and then walking to Blockbuster to see if there was anything I felt like watching (nope). I’d planned to walk around a bit more, maybe end up downtown to the library or into Fairhaven, but was surprised to realize I was actually kind of cold. Too cold to be wandering around in a t-shirt and flip flops, at least. I walked back up the hill to our apartment, enjoying the brisk feel of the weather but also more than a little eager to get back to the comfortable warmth on the other side of the sliding glass. As soon as I got back inside, I closed the windows, wrapped myself in my bathrobe, grabbed a comic and plopped on the couch. I was asleep within minutes.

Days don’t get much better than that.

Required reading for lazy autumn days.

Yeah, yeah...

Yesterday I said I'd post something of some merit.  In hindsight, that was a bit ambitious.  I'm working on two things right now, but neither are done.  So, you get one more day of fluff.

I haven't posted much about comics lately.  Anyone reading anything worth while?  How are you comic book fans liking "Darkest Night?"  Zombie-licious enough for you?

I just finished the full run of "100 Bullets" this morning before work.  It blew me away.  No pun intended.  Easily the best Crime Noir comic I've ever read.  It's given me a whole new appreciation for the creative team of Azzarello and Risso.  Next stop, "Batman:  Broken City."  Has anyone read that one?

Five seconds of bliss

I swear, tomorrow I'll post something of some actual substance.  But until then, enjoy Sadie the flatuent rabbit!

Bored to Death

This will be the bee's knees:

Book run

Kristen and I both had the day off, so we decided to go exploring in the Fairhaven/Edgemoore area. Afterward we walked into Fairhaven and into Village Books.  This is what Kristen bought:

(And here's a trailer if the cover wasn't convincing enough)




I went with something I'd been meaning to pick up for a while now.

(And here's "The Cheever Letters" clip from "Sienfeld" to round things out)



The damned thing cost me $18 though!  For a paperback!  What is the world coming to?  Friggin' Fascio-Pinkos...

"Let Them Eat Advil"

Fight fire with water.  Fight water with... something that would soak it up.  A sponge, I guess.  Fight a sponge with fire.

And fight teabaggers with satire.



They call themselves the Billionaires for Wealthcare.  Their motto; "If we ain't broke, don't fix it."  Their mission; maintain the status quo by any means necessary.



From the Billionaires for Wealthcare Web site: 

Billionaires for Wealthcare is a grassroots network of health insurance CEOs, industry lobbyists, talk-show hosts, and others profiting off of our broken health care system.
We are not a political, religious or even particularly well-organized group. We're simple folk, thrilled profiteers pouring out of our corner offices to dance on the grave of "Change."
We'll do whatever it takes to ensure another decade where your pain is our gain. After all, when it comes to healthcare, if we ain't broke, why fix it?

Coming soon to a TEAparty near you.

The mashup

If someone hasn't already started printing "Wilson/West 2012" bumper stickers yet, I call dibs.

The fine art of dicking around

No, it's not a real sign.  If only.

Here are a few more creations.

Apparently I misspelled wookiee, but you get the gist.

Kristen didn't like this one for some reason.

And last but not least, my personal favorite.

Make your own here.

His friends call him Shep

Meet Julius.

Short for Julius Andreas.  Short for Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov. 

Short for Total Badass.

Not content to settle with his birth name of Andreas Jankov, this bus driver and apparent film fan decided his moniker could use some sprucing up.  So he treated himself to a few extra handles.

"I wanted to show that it is possible to be serious and at the same time take the name you like," said Julius, via the Norwegian Web site VG Nett (via Huffpost).  "I wanted to see how far I could take it with respect to the number of names.  I started thinking about this three years ago and it was approved in January this year."

I took the original Norwegian article and ran it through one of those Babelfish-esque instant translators.  It takes more than a few leaps of linguistic faith to decipher, but that only adds to the overall hilarity.  The final paragraph is especially beautiful.

VG Neat Møt July Other Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar Jankov (30). VG Neat følgerUtrolige affair RSSLag din own RSSOm bussjåføren at Oppegård has Norway farthest appellation know no matter , but he has doubtless a at country mainly creative.

I savage demonstrate that facts goes an to be serious and at the same get appellation they likes , say July Other Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar Jankov at VG Nett.Filmentusiasten set one's mind on to alternation appellation already for three year afterwards after that radiovert and comedian Espen Thoresen changed appellation at Espen Thoresen Hværsaagod -Takkskalduha.Har you a appellation as am anymore?

The tips us! Elastic strikkenMens førstnevnte altered appellation to challenge it new navneloven , savage July Other Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar Jankov ( breath ) check how a good many appellation he getting law at to have. I savage see how far facts stepped an to elastic knit in relations number appellation. I began to contemplate this for three year afterwards and getting consent approved in January this year , say åringen , as a prior only stayed famous as Other Jankov.Pass and bankkortSå by far hasn't facts high appellation was bidding at big difficulties , but a few rare glance åringen has generated her both pass and bank account , but entire appellation has he no matter accommodation til.I matched am Highlander drop. Do be about I had with the have got to facts been a surname , say Jankov.

Movie and apeHan narrator that navnevalget am accurately gjennomtenkt.Alle they 7 new names , except one July , am fetched at filmverdenen. I grasped July after the monkey July in Kristiansand dyrepark. He am bump , finds at a good deal of rampestreker , and am at the same a awfully able kunstner.Etter that he sto forward in Østlandets blade last summer has also dyreparken typed about åringen as has dial-up herself after Norgeshistoriens greatest apekjendis.Det optical Jankov am stas.

I've been down and sett at July now and then , narrator he. A bit Gimli and a bit McGyver - Gimli am at Halos master. He am mine favorittkarakter in the movies , and demonstrate that if you have set one's mind on any do be about they maintain away. Arn am at Jan Guillous books , as also am filmatisert.

I senses it is the any Scandinavian above facts. Again demonstrate Arn medmenneskelighet facing other no matter what a religion and civilization they have , say bussjåføren , as also am a agog rollespiller. What medMacGyver? He has bump Switzerland , and again a no matter - forcible means attitude.

I attempting to be a combination between Gimli and MacGyver , am laughing WarsNavnet Chewbacka am fetched at Star Warshaw - the movies and it hairy char as acts bestevennen at hero He Solo.Star Warshaw fansen shall however may react to a gear : He The solo hairy boy friend draw up appellation her along with double C , as in Chewbacca , and no matter along with k Chewbacka. And so am heating you no matter Chewbacca along with double C somorginalkarakteren? I wrote appellation so I believed facts became typed. I've reflected at to address facts opp, 2%.



I'm tempted to add a few extra lines to my hancock now.  Any suggestions?

White ribbons

I always mean to write about where I was when the planes hit the towers(bed). Or when the reports were coming in about the Pentagon (unloading hay). Or when the towers fells (getting gas, racing home). Or finally getting word from my flight-attendant-in-training mom (stuck in Tennessee). Yet I never do. I talk about it sometimes, though, especially on the anniversary.

In comparison, my personal narrative probably wouldn't hold a candle to many other "Where Were You" essays about that day, but it remains one of the most vividly surreal moments of my life. I was 19, watching what at the time I was sure would be the beginning of the end of everything.

I remember news channels heartlessly splicing footage of the fall, of terrified, powdered faces streaked with muddy tears, of rescuers overcome with exhaustion and grief. Endlessly replayed in 15 minute segments, endlessly rewatched.

I remember the impossibly long lines the next day at the blood drive on campus. The paranoia that this was only the first wave. I remember smoking outside of class a handful of classmates, how every head jerked up and scanned warily at the sound of a low-flying airplane flying overhead, each of us silently contemplating the odds of an attack on a small town.

Most of all I remember the white ribbons. In the days immediately following, before anyone could start cranking out American flags en masse and in every conceivable size and shape, before the gaudy back glass stickers and hostile car magnets, before the prophesy conspiracy theories and the clever acronyms, there were the white ribbons. They were soon replaced by more marketable mementos, but for a while it was one of the straws at which we grasped. Seeing a white ribbon on a jacket or a book bag was an anchor of sorts, a reminder that as terrible as shit could get (and there really seemed to be no high-water mark then), we still had one another.

Legacy of a Lion

May 12, 2009

Dear Mr. President,

I wanted to write a few final words to you to express my gratitude for your repeated personal kindnesses to me – and one last time, to salute your leadership in giving our country back its future and its truth.

On a personal level, you and Michelle reached out to Vicki, to our family and me in so many different ways.

You helped to make these difficult months a happy time in my life.

You also made it a time of hope for me and for our country.

When I thought of all the years, all the battles, and all the memories of my long public life, I felt confident in these closing days that while I will not be there when it happens, you will be the President who at long last signs into law the health care reform that is the great unfinished business of our society. For me, this cause stretched across decades; it has been disappointed, but never finally defeated. It was the cause of my life.

And in the past year, the prospect of victory sustained me-and the work of achieving it summoned my energy and determination.

There will be struggles – there always have been – and they are already underway again. But as we moved forward in these months, I learned that you will not yield to calls to retreat - that you will stay with the cause until it is won. I saw your conviction that the time is now and witnessed your unwavering commitment and understanding that health care is a decisive issue for our future prosperity. But you have also reminded all of us that it concerns more than material things; that what we face is above all a moral issue; that at stake are not just the details of policy, but fundamental principles of social justice and the character of our country.

And so because of your vision and resolve, I came to believe that soon, very soon, affordable health coverage will be available to all, in an America where the state of a family’s health will never again depend on the amount of a family’s wealth. And while I will not see the victory, I was able to look forward and know that we will – yes, we will – fulfill the promise of health care in America as a right and not a privilege.

In closing, let me say again how proud I was to be part of your campaign- and proud as well to play a part in the early months of a new era of high purpose and achievement. I entered public life with a young President who inspired a generation and the world. It gives me great hope that as I leave, another young President inspires another generation and once more on America’s behalf inspires the entire world.

So, I wrote this to thank you one last time as a friend- and to stand with you one last time for change and the America we can become.

At the Denver Convention where you were nominated, I said the dream lives on.

And I finished this letter with unshakable faith that the dream will be fulfilled for this generation, and preserved and enlarged for generations to come.

With deep respect and abiding affection,

[Ted]

I'm having a hard time coming up with something clever about cheese to use as my title.

In a supreme display of willpower, I will refrain from reposting President Obama’s badass health care speech tonight. I will not call heckler Joe Wilson a silly douchewagon who should be booted off of the Hill. I will not agree with Rachel Maddow’s statement that the latter part of the president’s speech was one of the most articulate defenses of Liberalism that have come out of a politician’s mouth. I will stray from the bombshell that is the late Senator Teddy Kennedy’s final letter to Obama.

Instead, I will write about cheese.

Farmer’s cheese, to be exact. NPR’s “Weekday” host Steve Scher had a guest on yesterday who casually mentioned a really easy recipe for homemade farmer’s cheese. I’m a decent cook I suppose, however I tend to avoid the more complex culinary endeavors. Yet this recipe sounded deceptively simple. And really, wouldn’t it be great to brag about making my own cheese? So I decided to give it a shot.

This morning I walked down the hill to the Haggen and picked up the necessary ingredients:

One gallon of milk
One lemon
One jalapeño pepper
Fresh oregano
A pinch of salt

(The jalepeno and oregano were last-minute additions I thought would go well.)

Basically, the woman on the radio said to boil the milk, add the lemon juice, drain with cheesecloth, and viola! Cheese! So, after getting everything ready

I put the jalepenos and oregano in with the milk

and heated everything on medium heat until it boiled (stirring often).

Having never made cheese, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I added lemon juice into the mixture. It was actually pretty cool, though. The milk curdled right away. It reminded me of the “cement mixer” shots you always buy for someone on their 21st birthday.

I let it sit for a few minutes, killing time by playing a sweet game (which I can't seem to embed properly, so here's the link instead)and then poured the now separated curds and whey (I think it’s whey, isn’t it?)

 

into a colander laced with cheesecloth.

After it had sufficiently dried, I sampled it. Not bad. I was afraid it was going to turn out terrible. But to be honest, it was a little bland. Next time maybe I’ll add a little more salt or something.

All in all, I’m tremendously proud of my achievement. Tomorrow I think I’ll melt sand into a glass orb, or something equally impressive.  And incomprehensibly boring.

The Beck Effect

God I love this town.

So last week Bud Norris, mayor of Mount Vernon, Washington (about thirty miles south of Bellingham) made national headlines by offering to present a key to the city to none other than… Glenn Beck.

No, seriously. As surreal as it sounds, I’m not making this up. Glenn Beck will be awarded a key to the city of Mount Vernon by Norris on the 26th of this month. Norris has also proclaimed September 26th “Glenn Beck Day.”

“Well, Glenn Beck is a person I’ve known for a long time, but I want to recognize him for what he’s achieved in his professional life,” Norris told NPR Seattle affiliate KUOW’s Ross Reynolds in an interview last week. “Starting out here in a fairly rural portion of the state, he’s worked very hard since he was fifteen years old and now he’s a nationally recognized figure in radio and TV broadcasting, as an entertainer, commentator, whatever you’d like to label him as.”

I can think of several choice words that would accurately characterize Beck, but none of them are “entertainer” or “commentator.”

As you might imagine, Norris’ decision hasn’t gone over too well with many Mount Vernon residents. TV station KING 5 in Seattle sent a film crew to Mount Vernon and got some footage of a lively anti-Beck protest orchestrated by the Young Democrats of Skagit Valley. "That success is built off a lot of ridiculous and hateful and divisive language,” the YDSD president told KING 5’s Meg Coyle. “We feel that as a non-partisan position, the mayor should not be endorsing that at all."

How does the mayor respond to charges of partisan endorsement? (Again, I feel I should say I’m not making this up.) He disagrees. You see, his choice to honor Beck isn’t partisan at all, as Beck has never actually declared any party affiliation. Strangely, Mayor Norris wasn’t struck by lightning immediately after giving his explanation.

It should be noted that the decision to award a key to the city rests solely on Norris’ shoulders. The Skagit County Herald reports that there’s nothing Mount Vernon city council members can do to stop the mayor from giving the key to whomever he wants. But as a form of protest, six of the seven council members will not be in attendance for the ceremony.

Pretty damn weird and ridiculous, right? But here’s where it gets awesome: In his excellent politics blog, Bellingham Herald reporter Sam Taylor posted a copy of a letter from Bellingham mayor Dan Pike, addressed to one Jon Stewart of “The Daily Show.” And why would Mayor Pike be sending Jon Stewart of “The Daily Show” a letter? Why, to invite him to accept a key to the city of Bellingham, of course!

Here’s a cut and paste of Pike’s letter, directly from Sam’s blog:

September 4, 2009


Jon Stewart
c/o The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
733 11th Avenue
New York, NY 10019-5051


Dear Mr. Stewart and Daily Show Producers:

 My name is Dan Pike, and I am the Mayor of Bellingham, Washington. I also went to Lawrence High School, Jon Stewart’s alma mater, a few years ahead of him (Class of 1975), though I never knew him and doubt he ever knew me.

I am writing because I am currently the Mayor of Bellingham, Washington, a community of about 80,000 between Vancouver, BC and Seattle, WA. The next city south of us on I-5, Mount Vernon (pop. 30,000), has just announced they are giving the keys to that city to Glenn Beck, a native son. The news got me to thinking that if they could give Beck a key simply for being born there, perhaps Bellingham could provide a key to Mr. Stewart for the better reasons of providing cogent yet comedic analysis of news events and personalities on a daily basis, as well as being an alumnus of the same high school as Bellingham’s Mayor. I was particularly moved and informed by the Daily Show’s recent analysis of the evolution of Glenn Beck’s feelings about the US healthcare system over the past couple of years.

We are bigger and better than Mount Vernon, and so are interested in a bigger, better star to receive our key. As an added bonus, should Mr. Stewart accept, we would try to track down Stephen, the eagle from the Colbert Report who frequently lives in our county, so Jon could have a personal sighting. If Mr. Colbert would like to receive a key to Bellingham, too, he is also welcome. If Mr. Stewart cannot come to Bellingham to accept, perhaps I could deliver it at some time in the months ahead, when I come to Lawrenceville to visit my mother.

While this is a joke of sorts, intended as a counterpoint to the Beck event in Mount Vernon, the offer is serious.

I may be contacted through my office at (360) 778-8100, on my cell phone at (redacted), or via email at dpike@cob.org.


Thanks for your consideration; keep up the great work!
Dan Pike,

Mayor

City of Bellingham, Washington


Suck it, Glenn Beck! Who cares about a piddling key from Mount Vernon, when our boy Stewart’s been offered the key to the City of Subdued Excitement! Bellingham for the win!

No word yet as to whether Stewart will actually take up the offer. The odds… aren’t great that Jon would be willing to travel across the country just to make a fool of someone who does a decent job of that already on a fairly regular basis. But I love the fact that Pike offered, and would actually do it if Stewart agreed. What glorious egg it would be, smeared all over Glenn Beck’s maniacal little face. Cross your fingers, everybody.

Full text of President Obama's back to school speech

I heard if you read it backward it syncs up with "Dark Side of the Moon" AND summons the ghost of Joe Stalin:

Hello everyone - how's everybody doing today? I'm here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia. And we've got students tuning in from all across America, kindergarten through twelfth grade. I'm glad you all could join us today.
I know that for many of you, today is the first day of school. And for those of you in kindergarten, or starting middle or high school, it's your first day in a new school, so it's understandable if you're a little nervous. I imagine there are some seniors out there who are feeling pretty good right now, with just one more year to go. And no matter what grade you're in, some of you are probably wishing it were still summer, and you could've stayed in bed just a little longer this morning.
I know that feeling. When I was young, my family lived in Indonesia for a few years, and my mother didn't have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school. So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday - at 4:30 in the morning.
Now I wasn't too happy about getting up that early. A lot of times, I'd fall asleep right there at the kitchen table. But whenever I'd complain, my mother would just give me one of those looks and say, "This is no picnic for me either, buster."
So I know some of you are still adjusting to being back at school. But I'm here today because I have something important to discuss with you. I'm here because I want to talk with you about your education and what's expected of all of you in this new school year.
Now I've given a lot of speeches about education. And I've talked a lot about responsibility.

I've talked about your teachers' responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn.
I've talked about your parents' responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don't spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.
I've talked a lot about your government's responsibility for setting high standards, supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren't working where students aren't getting the opportunities they deserve.
But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world - and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed.
And that's what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education. I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself.
Every single one of you has something you're good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That's the opportunity an education can provide.
Maybe you could be a good writer - maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper - but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class. Maybe you could be an innovator or an inventor - maybe even good enough to come up with the next iPhone or a new medicine or vaccine - but you might not know it until you do a project for your science class. Maybe you could be a mayor or a Senator or a Supreme Court Justice, but you might not know that until you join student government or the debate team.

And no matter what you want to do with your life - I guarantee that you'll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You're going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You can't drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You've got to work for it and train for it and learn for it.
And this isn't just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. What you're learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future.
You'll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You'll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free. You'll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy.
We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems. If you don't do that - if you quit on school - you're not just quitting on yourself, you're quitting on your country.
Now I know it's not always easy to do well in school. I know a lot of you have challenges in your lives right now that can make it hard to focus on your schoolwork.
I get it. I know what that's like. My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn't always able to give us things the other kids had. There were times when I missed having a father in my life. There were times when I was lonely and felt like I didn't fit in.
So I wasn't always as focused as I should have been. I did some things I'm not proud of, and got in more trouble than I should have. And my life could have easily taken a turn for the worse.
But I was fortunate. I got a lot of second chances and had the opportunity to go to college, and law school, and follow my dreams. My wife, our First Lady Michelle Obama, has a similar story. Neither of her parents had gone to college, and they didn't have much. But they worked hard, and she worked hard, so that she could go to the best schools in this country.
Some of you might not have those advantages. Maybe you don't have adults in your life who give you the support that you need. Maybe someone in your family has lost their job, and there's not enough money to go around. Maybe you live in a neighborhood where you don't feel safe, or have friends who are pressuring you to do things you know aren't right.
But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life - what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you've got going on at home - that's no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That's no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That's no excuse for not trying.
Where you are right now doesn't have to determine where you'll end up. No one's written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.

That's what young people like you are doing every day, all across America.
Young people like Jazmin Perez, from Roma, Texas. Jazmin didn't speak English when she first started school. Hardly anyone in her hometown went to college, and neither of her parents had gone either. But she worked hard, earned good grades, got a scholarship to Brown University, and is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to being Dr. Jazmin Perez.

I'm thinking about Andoni Schultz, from Los Altos, California, who's fought brain cancer since he was three. He's endured all sorts of treatments and surgeries, one of which affected his memory, so it took him much longer - hundreds of extra hours - to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind, and he's headed to college this fall.
And then there's Shantell Steve, from my hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Even when bouncing from foster home to foster home in the toughest neighborhoods, she managed to get a job at a local health center; start a program to keep young people out of gangs; and she's on track to graduate high school with honors and go on to college.
Jazmin, Andoni and Shantell aren't any different from any of you. They faced challenges in their lives just like you do. But they refused to give up. They chose to take responsibility for their education and set goals for themselves. And I expect all of you to do the same.
That's why today, I'm calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education - and to do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending time each day reading a book. Maybe you'll decide to get involved in an extracurricular activity, or volunteer in your community. Maybe you'll decide to stand up for kids who are being teased or bullied because of who they are or how they look, because you believe, like I do, that all kids deserve a safe environment to study and learn. Maybe you'll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn. And along those lines, I hope you'll all wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school when you don't feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter.

Whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.
I know that sometimes, you get the sense from TV that you can be rich and successful without any hard work -- that your ticket to success is through rapping or basketball or being a reality TV star, when chances are, you're not going to be any of those things.
But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won't love every subject you study. You won't click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won't necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.
That's OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who've had the most failures. JK Rowling's first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
These people succeeded because they understand that you can't let your failures define you - you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn't mean you're a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn't mean you're stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.
No one's born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You're not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don't hit every note the first time you sing a song. You've got to practice. It's the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it's good enough to hand in.
Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust - a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor - and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.
And even when you're struggling, even when you're discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you - don't ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country.
The story of America isn't about people who quit when things got tough. It's about people who kept going, who tried harder, who loved their country too much to do anything less than their best.
It's the story of students who sat where you sit 250 years ago, and went on to wage a revolution and found this nation. Students who sat where you sit 75 years ago who overcame a Depression and won a world war; who fought for civil rights and put a man on the moon. Students who sat where you sit 20 years ago who founded Google, Twitter and Facebook and changed the way we communicate with each other.
So today, I want to ask you, what's your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country?
Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions. I'm working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books, equipment and computers you need to learn. But you've got to do your part too. So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don't let us down - don't let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.
Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.